Sitting here wondering

Hello again Dear Readers, I certainly hope life is treating you well. I myself have tried to get down range to Afghanistan for a couple days now to no avail. I still have a mission to accomplish and Im not in a huge rush to leave, but it would be nice to either go and get it over with or call it wash and do something else.

I read the latest blog from my buddy Buzz (http://thesergeantsbuzz.blogspot.com/). He was commenting on the fact that we have to both wear three hats, both literally and figuratively. I thought that was interesting not only because I agree with him, but how important are each of the hats to us. More and more, as my career has more time behind me and less ahead of me, I find my "Airman" hat to be less and less important. It may not be the right thing to say, but in the end it is. The longest time I could possibly spend in the military is 30 years. That's it. Since I came in at 20, I would have to retire when I was 50. Well sports fans, I intend to be "husband" and "Daddy" for much longer then that. So, why do a lot of people seem to put so much of themselves into that "Airman" hat that they forget about the others.

Im not talking about devotion to duty when it comes to combat or anything, Im just talking about losing one's identity to the machine. I see it all the time. The people who have drunk so much of the AF Kool-aid that they have become like the Borg, unable to think for themselves and only existing for the collective. Before you laugh, I am not a Trekkie, but the concept is still the same. And for those not in the know, "Drinking the Kool-Aid" in the AF is a reference to the Jonestown massacre where everyone simply stepped up and drank the drink without asking what is in it. (Cant figure that one since the guy who was last in line had to see something was amiss.) In the military, it simply means that you accept whatever is told to you, the AF message, without asking if it is right or proper or acceptable. Basically a company man.

I used to accept what was told to me untill I got into the job where I was the one stating the message. And it has been harder and harder for me to swallow. I consider myself a propagandist now, telling the the masses the approved message. Its almost like a fantasy. We tell everyone that all is well, we are happy, we are content...we are kidding ourselves.

It is so blantant that most people I talk to hardly read our work, because they see it for what it is. "Happy Happy Joy Joy" stories. Stories designed to make people feel good, except that it doesnt work. People know reality and the reality is that leadership has failed us countless times without recourse, the grind is chewing us up and spitting us out and that the AF would rather spend its money on fancy expensive fighters it cannot deploy rather than provide up to date gear for its troops. We would rather "save money" by issuing hand-me-down Vietnam era crap that the Army got rid of. Its sad.

So, I am looking to fully wear the Husband and Daddy hat, because in the end, those will be the most important. Months after I retire, I will be forgotten. Its just the way it is. If you die doing something heroic, you might be remembered longer, but no matter how hard you work, no matter how many clubs your joined, or how many meetings you attended, you will be forgotten soon after you leave. And all you will have left is hopefully your wife and children. I say hopefully, becuase I pray that in your vigor to be the "Super Airman" you didnt alienate your family. It is possible, I have seen it time and time again.

I dont want a ceremony when I retire. I wont stand for the hypocracy of it all. Simply give me my certificates, shake my hand and let me walk out the door to the people who have truly stood by me. The husband and daddy hats fit really well. I dont think the Airman hat works for me anymore. I will be glad the day I put that one away forever.

My two cents and worth even less.